Steps Men Can Take To Improve Their Self Confidence
by James Greenier
Do you struggle with confidence when it comes to approaching and talking to women? Do you hold back because you worry about how they will respond to you? Maybe you’ve had a bad experience in the past, or perhaps you are more of an introvert or you might have low self-esteem. You may not be able to change your past experiences or your innate nature, but there are steps that you can take to build up your self-confidence and create positive interactions with other people. Before going into a situation that might make you nervous, for instance a party, there are several things you can do to set yourself up for success.
We are our own worst critics. Meeting women should be an enjoyable experience. If you’ve decided before even leaving your house that you will be rejected, then you have already set yourself up for failure; it becomes a pessimistic, self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of going to have fun, you have already put yourself into the frame of mind that you are going to fail. This can trigger your fight or flight response, a physiological response that exists to protect you from perceived danger. If you can catch yourself going into this negative thought process, you can start to turn it around right away.
Getting into the zone
If you’ve already worked yourself up into a state of anxiety, you can calm yourself down. Tell yourself that you are going to have a great time, no matter what. Kindle your sense of adventure and find your optimism. A quote that I like to use for my own self-pep-talk is Woody Allen’s “80% of life is showing up.” Give yourself a pat on the back for deciding to put yourself out there. Consider your positive qualities. Positive affirmations are very helpful. Play soothing music, meditate or take a soothing bath. Also lay off of any type of stimulants like caffeine or sugar which can trigger or intensify the fight or flight response. If you aren’t so great at positive self-talk, talk to a friend that can be your “cheerleader”. The way we perceive ourselves impacts our lives and how others perceive us. If you are (or aren’t) in a positive state of mind, it will show.
Put your best foot forward.
Another important area you can step you can take to increase your confidence is to make an effort on your appearance. You can only make one first impression. The way you look says a lot to a woman. We are often told not to judge a book by its cover, but, let’s face it, that’s what people do. If you are heading out to a social event, make sure you have, at a minimum, bathed and brushed your teeth. You want to arrive looking sharp, well-groomed and smelling good. Feeling secure in the way you look and smell can have a strong impact on the way you carry yourself and, especially, on how well-received you are. Wear something that you know you look good in. Make sure the clothes are clean, ironed and fit properly. If you are often complimented on your eyes, wear a shirt that matches them and makes them stand out. Make sure you have shaved and your hair is trimmed neatly-that goes for the hair on your head, sideburns, nose hairs, and mustache and/or beard if you wear one. Women notice these things. Good hygiene is a subtle symbol of your attention to detail.
Don’t forget to wear your smile. Not only is it attractive, but the action actually sends a signal to your brain to release Endorphins and Serotonin, your “feel good” hormones. When you smile at someone, they will usually smile back. This is your first chance to elicit a positive response. You’ve already set the stage for a great party and haven’t even had to say a word. Set an intention to talk to at least two or three women that you do not know. Watch their body language to see if they are open to meeting new people. If you have someone’s attention and they are making eye contact or smiling, it’s okay to go and say hello. If the party is of a mutual friend, you can use that as a starting point in the conversation. Don’t forget to offer at least one compliment. You want to walk away from the interaction knowing that their night is better because they spoke to you. Knowing that is the best confidence-booster I know.
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